...but, we're grateful anyway...

It is 3:05 p.m. on Sunday afternoon as I begin to write. I'm a little tired and this is the day for rest, but I'm afraid that if I sit down with a book or stretch out on the sofa to watch a movie I'll be out like a light and it's too late in the day for that. I wouldn't sleep a wink tonight if I did. I decided to check my personal E-mail instead, which I hadn't done in a month...99 E-mails! I should be ashamed and, I am. I hope those who were recipients of my responses don't fall off their chairs when they see an E-mail from me!

Work has obviously been steadily busy. Most of my blogging has been during down-time at work so I haven't had as much opportunity. That, and the fact that these past weeks haven't exactly been easy, but God's grace has been sufficient to get me through as He promised it would be.

I wouldn't exactly say I get depressed at the onset of the holiday season, but there is a heaviness. This year, that heaviness was exacerbated by other events, not exactly unexpected, but difficult all the same. It's not even my place to say what those events were, but they did highly affect my family. Satan's messing with us and I'm taking it personally. However, I will squash him like a bug under my feet!

My sister, Jodie, was gracious enough to hop in the car and head to Illinois with me on the 14th of December. It was four years ago the 15th that Trenton went to be with the Lord. Although I know Trenton is not in the ground, his old body is and his Mommy needed to get there to lay a grave blanket. I don't mean to depress anyone by talking about it, it's just what it is.

Although some may call it a vivid imagination, God gave me an awesome vision of Trenton in Heaven this Christmas. I saw an amazing tree with Trent sitting at the base of it, gazing up toward millions of golden-white, glowing, warm lights. I thought it odd that I had that vision this year, being Trent's fifth Christmas in Heaven...why not the first year? Or last year, or the year before that? That vision, however, has given me the title for my infamous, unfinished book, which I shall keep to myself for the time being. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Two uncles, both preachers, went to be with the Lord this year. I can't help but think that we will gather with our loved ones in Heaven...that Uncle David and Uncle Cecil, (6 months and 1 day later), immediately found Trent and Grandma and that there was a joyous reunion, not that I have a Biblical leg to stand on. It always amazed me how my Grandma, even when she was barely coherent and had seemingly, long-forgotton my name, always asked about Trenton.

The following week was thankfully busy. It seems the hard days are not just the day he died...it is also the anniversary of his "celebration of life" and the days after that. The dark days when I thought I'd never be able to take another deep breath. It all seemed so surreal and although I know his life and those events took place, sometimes, it still seems so. There is deep love and gratitude for the privilege of having been Trenton's Mom, the joy and miracles we experienced while he was with us and yet all the emotions that surface at any given time without rhyme, reason or warning. Even though they've been dealt with, they must be given their due only to be embraced and then tucked away once again. It seems the healthy thing to do.

Bob and I had our Tennessee Christmas with Jodie and Randy, Blake, Broc, Courtney, (Broc's girlfriend), Travis, Lexi and Braedon on Sunday night, the 23rd. My Christmas dinner blessing went something like this...

Lord, we thank you for the 12 pound Christmas turkey from Bass Pro that I would have never baked tonight had I not needed the room in the freezer...I preferred to go to Cracker Barrel instead...but, we're grateful anyway.....

I was making a joke, of course. My brother-in-law Randy asked the real blessing and I didn't see any lightening strikes, so I'd like to think the Lord got a little chuckle out of my mock gratitude.

Bob and I, Travis & the kids headed to Illinois early Christmas eve morning. Bob had yet another retirement event with the Dunn Company gang that afternoon where they presented him with a lovely watch and plaque. We spent Christmas eve with the Montgomery's and Christmas day with the Oliger's and headed back to Tennessee on the 26th. Bob worked the 27th, but Thankfully, I didn't have to return until Friday the 28th, giving me a day to get the apartment back in order and the Christmas decorations packed away for another year.

Although we had a lovely Christmas, we are really not "stuff" people ordinarily, (lol...the word "stuff" has taken on a whole new meaning after this morning's service, thanks to Pastor Clay. Catch the Podcast at livingtogo.org.) It's a fine line for me as to whether or not Christmas has become greatly intensified or dimmed somehow these past few years. I was constantly reminding myself of why we celebrate and trying my best to focus. Even through the challenges of these past few months, God and his glory have shined brightly. The peace He continually provides is immeasurable against any other gift we could receive here on Earth.

I told everyone about my Christmas miracles...the opportunity to go to four, 10 hour work days giving me every Wednesday off being one. Yippee! I told them I'd love to at least give it a try. The second being the fact that a guy left for another position which opened up his spot in the parking garage for the next person in line...ME! I told everyone, "I just KNEW God wouldn't make me walk across the street all winter!" I think they all think I'm a little nuts, but that's OK. Gotta give God the glory!

Well, gotta go for now. Hopefully, it won't be another six weeks before I write. With Wednesday's off, maybe I'll have more opportunity. Just remember, life doesn't always turn out as we'd hoped, but the key is to "be grateful anyway." God is there, mediating and working in our behalf, even when we are unaware there is something to be worked on.